Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Big Picture in High Definition
I've always waxed un-philosophically about my life, but can create a shiny finish regarding the situation of others. I'll analyze the possibilities of what makes certain people tick because it helps me understand their psyche.
But when it comes to the inner workings of my life, I spend time seeking opinions from friends or family. It's as if I can't think for myself when it applies to, well, myself. Everything from my appearance (Does this make me look fat? Is that outfit too young for me?) to writing decisions (Is it too late in life to enter a writing career?What genre am I?).
Where does my inability to trust my judgment leave me? Disabled, dysfunctional, and left with a waning sense of self confidence. Weakened by my inability to trust my gut fully has bled into my lack of personal understanding of my inner psyche. Better put, I haven't taken a moment to wax philosophically about the one Universal question that has followed me since birth: Why does all the bad stuff happen to me?
Definition of bad stuff (and it's a big list, but here's a sampling): Not getting asked to the prom; getting passed over for a promotion; manuscripts and poetry submissions lost in cyber-space; unexplained retinal detachment.
New to the list: Six months after losing my best friend, Daisy, to degenerative disc disease, my other best friend, Lola, has an unexplained onset of spinal meningitis. Just three weeks ago she was performing like the expected monster chihuahua only to have sudden paralysis in her hind legs. Her prognosis is guarded simply because tests haven't revealed the etiology of her condition, so more tests are under way.
I still haven't fully accepted the loss of my friend, Daisy, but was getting close to some semblance of it when Lola's strange illness occurred. Of course I have to ask myself, "Why me, God? Why are you laying this on me and picking on my poor dog again?"
You know "they" say that when you put something out to the Universe an answer is received. And wouldn't you know it, I spoke my angst out loud, not expecting any response...
But one came. The philosophical waxing process began and I self-analyzed the situation, which produced an answer. Conclusion: Bad things come to those who can handle them. A review of life-long defeats, rejections and losses brought me to this conclusion. I handled them, a practice that explains the old cliche, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle."
My belief is that there are those who can gracefully rise to the occasion and just DEAL. These people don't crumble under pressure, step up when the news isn't good and take the "bull my its horns" even though said "bull" might gore us in the process.
I propose that The Universe knows our strengths as well as weaknesses. It also knows which crap to deal to the appropriate people. For instance, what if someone who didn't have the ability to handle my animals' special needs owned them? Where would my dogs have ended up? Here's a couple of guesses: a.) Animal shelter, or b.) dropped by the roadside in the middle of nowhere.
After analyzing and reviewing the entirety of my life, I'm brought to the conclusion that the Universe/God precisely doles out the enormity of problems to the appropriate souls who can handle it. Think about people who blindly receive A's without lifting the cover of a text, or those who happened to be in the right place at the right time when Lady Luck graced their pathway. Perhaps those smooth sailors fall apart the moment life pitches a curve ball. Let's face it, life isn't always clear skies and calm waters for everyone, but I venture to guess that there are those whose paths are less bumpy, and that a subtle wave sends their stress into overdrive.
I'm not suggesting that all the bad stuff happens to me. This is my hypothesis based on personal self-reflecting and philosophic waxing. And like with all of my hypothetical theories, I've gained a valuable lesson. I now believe that in all its mysterious ways, the Universe/God has a master plan in place, which in my case involves the bumpy path. Could that explain why I tend to take the road less traveled, which generally is filled with curves, dips and beautiful views?
In all its glory I'm finding my necessary peace that more clearly guides my future. Everything does happens to me, and that's a good thing because hope is eternally on my side.