Blog-abstentia

WOW! I just realized that I haven't written a writerly blog in a very long time, and I'm gonna stay on that roll...

I blame it on ELECTION 2008.

I've been unable to function properly ever since a certain bespeckled brunette took the stage for a possible No. 2 spot in the White House. And all those debates had me enthralled. So much better than the usual prime-time shows. I mean, only on Dexter will you see the horror such as the likes of waiting for John McCain's carotid artery to explode. I mean, really - his face looked like he just had a chemical peel; his eye twitched like someone hid his Prozac; and did Joe the Plumber ever show up at whatever berg McCain put the shout-out to him? I think he wanted to buy old Joe a beer, or maybe offer him a high level cabinet position if he happens to win.

Oh God, please don't let it happen! I know I said Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada is only a two hour move from here, but I can't be held accountable in a city with that many casinos. I was just kidding. Really, I was. (But I do love Labatts Blue and hockey...)

I want to stay in the shiny new United States with Barack Obama at its helm and not a wrinkly has-been former POW who only has that going for him.

So please, all my blog readers who are at the same end of the spectrum (the left end), say it out loud so the Universe will hear you: Give the job to Barack Obama! And make sure everyone gets out and votes!!!

(Stay tuned for writerly blog after the election...)

Un-reality TV

There's only one TV show I've looked forward to more than the new season of "Dexter": Tonight's Vice Presidential debate. I call it "Unreal Reality TV."

This will be the train wreck to beat all, and I'll be front and center for the sublime. My prediction is that Sarah Palin will either speak while Joe Biden still is, or forget well rehearsed answers because she'll be too worried about trying to remember them all.

I've wondered if the Republicans had a specialist sit up with her cramming on foreign policy, the economy, how to pronounce "Iran," and most importantly, how not to look like a frightened moose in the cross-hairs. Let's face it. She wasn't prepared for Charlie Gibson or Katie Couric. Unless she's secretly miked, I can't imagine her keeping up with all she's had to learn.

Cramming never works. Only crib-sheets do. And since this is to be televised in real time, there's no chance for the dubbing in of answers later by someone in the editing booth. And I really doubt her palms are big enough to have written all the knowledge she lacks.

And that's the point everyone enthralled with her, both male and female, seems to miss. She didn't have an "A" game to bring when accepting the invitation to run with J. Mac. All she possessed was an ego that wouldn't allow her to say "no." Being a mayor of Wasilla, population 7,000, and governor of Alaska, population 650,000, is not a credential. It's just dabbling in small politics. A blip on the radar, not the experience necessary to be number two, and without the necessary experience and knowledge, then the country will literally be number two if she's called into action.

It's like being asked to pilot a 747 when you only have a drivers license. Would you say, "Hell, yeah. I can do that - straight to Uranus and back! Last night I slept at a Holiday Inn?" Wouldn't you consider the passengers' safety? Would you risk innocent bystanders just for a shot at the impossible?

Sure, she's a woman, so every member of that sex should be grateful that she's been chosen to run along side Grampa Munster. Hello? I am woman, hear me roar, "Hell no!" To me a self-respecting leader would recognize their potential and lack thereof. A self-respecting woman knows her limitations and doesn't sacrifice the greater good just to satisfy her ego.

So tonight I'll be front and center for the sublime abomination known as the "Sarah Palin Ego Stroke." If this is the ticket that wins in November, then I hope Canada has room for an increase in population.

Get your exit strategy ready, learn "O Canada", or load up on the Prozac. The J. Mac-Palin Ego show will be the beginning of the end of America as we know it.